I deleted my post about the little boy with the gun at my son’s school. Why? Did I compromise my self by deleting something that concerned me? Was I worried that you guys would think less of me for sounding so crazed over the matter? Did I think it had absolutely nothing to do with my mission here? The short and long of it? Yes.

I think of the prayer of St. Francis, and I have to ask myself;

Was I an instrument of peace? Did I sow love? No. All I did was further distrust. Did I forgive him? Well, maybe I did. I said I thought he needed help, but I certainly didn’t say “I forgive you”. I firmly planted the seeds of doubt, despair, darkness and sadness on this topic. It was not my intent to do so, but there you have it. Like they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I didn’t try to console, or to understand, I don’t think I showed any love on the matter either, I gave nothing,and  I pardoned noone (instead I ranted for the incarceration of whoever the boy got the gun from in the first place).

How did I go so wrong? How could I be so beguiled into thinking I was doing the right thing when I simply did the opposite? It felt like I was moving in the right direction, I prayed for him, for his dad, his Grandfather, but why did I not act like I prayed?

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~ by keystone28 on 05/12/2010.

2 Responses to “”

  1. Peace to you brother! I read your post and . . . you are not alone in feeling this way. Didn’t St. Paul say he would be willing to be damned if it could save the people of Israel? God feels the way you did – seeing how troubled, how hurt and frightened this child was and how it was really an act of desperation on the part of the child to protect himself that he brought the gun to school. Remember the Father in the story of the prodigal son? The son asks for his inheritance – WHILE THE FATHER WAS STILL LIVING! – as soon as he got it, he gathered it up and went TO A DISTANT LAND – as far away from his father as he could get and lived in a way that his father would hate. When he did decide to come back, he prepared a speech with his focus only on getting food rather than reconciling with his father. The Father accepted him anyway, loved him anyway – wanted him anyway. I joined your prayer for the child. After all, we are that child. You were acting like our Father so . . . are blessed! Your brother in Christ and St. Francis

  2. I’m not sure you were so out of line. Maybe she wasn’t quite ready to hear it–but your point was a good one, and if she considers it, she may come to be an even stronger advocate for herself and other women. Sounds like she has a lot of healing still to be done–but she should be grateful for those who stand up for her and for other women so that they will not be victims as well.

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