What now?

•03/17/2017 • Leave a Comment

Bhauq8SCUAALagY

Can a Mother forget her infant? That’s a question I have asked myself a lot over the past few weeks. Confused? Perhaps I need to start over. I am adopted, and while I really have had a good life, it has always been on my mind; who am I? Who was/is my birth mother? Do I look like her? Do we have the same values? Loves? It’s a series of unanswered questions that only an adopted child can fully understand the depth and scope of, and it is a series of questions that a lot of us never see answered.

Now, to be honest, it never really bothered me that much that I was adopted. I figure if I had not been adopted, my life would have taken a drastic turn, and I’d have grown up somewhere else, been someone else, etc. I would have never met my wife, or had the two outstanding sons I am proud to call my children, it would have all been….wrong. But still, the nagging question was always there….Who am I really?

Events transpired over the years that led me closer and closer still to that unanswered question, and eventually, I have been led to a reunion with the woman who gave life to me. But that’s not the point of this. After our initial conversation, I had been waiting to hear from her. I knew it came as a big shock, 52 years later I pop back into her life, a lot to fathom and ponder, right? But I so wanted to ask her questions, learn my medical history and who my family was. It may sound cold, but as an adoptee? I’m sorry, these things come into your mind. There is no denying them.

But I digress; as I waited for her to maybe call me back, I became despondent. I thought maybe she really didn’t care what happened to me, perhaps I was just the product of a bad memory, and as these thoughts crept into my peripheral vision, I became depressed.This past Wednesday night found me at the  Marian Mission at St. Marks, and as I listened to what the priest was talking about, it became clear to me, that what my birth mother may or may not harbor for me, what she may be running away from, none of it truly matters, because I am loved by God, and even though (to quote James O Barr) “Mother is the name of God on the hearts and lips of all children”, there is a greater love still, and I already have that in my life.

I started this post off to vent about my anxiety in this situation, to make myself feel better, and so I went looking for a quote about mothers, and found Isaiah 49:15;

“Can a mother forget her infant,

be without tenderness for the child of her womb?

Even should she forget,

I will never forget you.”j

I think that I was meant to see this, for more than one reason, and I think it has more than one meaning. We can be loved by our mothers, our fathers and our whole family, but the love of God is more precious than anything else we may experience.Moreover, it is our responsibility to show that love to others -everyone- if we are to be truly worthy of Gods love. That means the little homeless guy outside of Chick Fil-A  with the little dog, the girl sitting on a sidewalk bench crying by herself, it means everyone. We can’t just look at people from afar and feel bad for them, we have to be involved, we have to care about what happens to them -everyone- or we are not worthy of Gods love. God loves every last one of us  -everyone- and if we can’t, won’t or don’t do the same, are we truly worthy of his affections?

Pentecost

•05/15/2016 • Leave a Comment

uea-4pentecost

The seven gifts of the Holy spirit were given to us on this day; but do I seriously understand what those gifts are? Do any of us? Moreover, do we appreciate them & try to cherish them for the gifts they truly are? I get the sneaking suspicion that I am guilty of not being such a good recipient of these wonderful gifts. I would like to think I am, I would like to be able to say that I understand and honor the all….But I don’t.

So what do I do? How do I become a better person, a more worthy recipient of these gifts?

Howdy!

•05/14/2016 • Leave a Comment

So I’m gonna give this blog another chance. I have been out-of-work for 2 & 1/2 months now for medical reasons, and I’m going stir crazy. I had surgery on my right foot, that went very badly. A week after the surgery, the bottom of my foot was black with necrosis and the smell was horrible (I can still imagine the stench). Two more surgeries, a week in the hospital on bed rest only, with a wound vac hooked up to my foot, and another months worth of IV’s 3 times a day at home, and I’m starting to feel better.

I have to admit, I have taken some extra time for my prayers, and it feels good. But I have so very far to go.

Anyway, just wanted to post something, get the old motivation up and running again…..Hopefully.

Lets see if we can jump start this site again…

•02/27/2015 • Leave a Comment

840d703471d17ee51272938af6e0b021

•04/27/2014 • Leave a Comment

1661715_10152341052469871_8419702490613379664_nGrowing up here in Charlotte, I knew who Jim and Tammy Baker were.  I knew their empire was just down the road from us, I saw them in the more affluent malls in Charlotte, their son Jay and his older sister sometimes hung out at some of the same parties me and  all my punk rock friends frequented. So I saw their extravagant lifestyle, I knew the score on them. I also knew of Jerry fallwell, Jimmy Swaggart & Pat Robertson, always telling us we were going to hell unless we gave them money, and I knew, I just knew they were all lying thieving hypocrites who wanted nothing more than to fleece the ignorant , making them part from their hard earned meager cash, and I hated them for it. I really did, and I wanted to see them all fall from their lofty perches. I was mad at God too, for letting them steal from the faithful, and maybe I hated God a little too. But I knew, I always knew, Pope John Paul II was a good man. I always knew he truly cared about the world and the people in it, and I always had -and always will- a special place in my heart for him. he was at the core of my first real experiences with the Catholic church, and I cant help but think his influence in my life has led me to where I am today. So I am really happy to see he is being canonized this weekend.

Changes…

•04/12/2014 • Leave a Comment

Changes...

It’s amazing what can happen in a year! This was the biggest change in my life, a Vertical sleeve Gastrectomy. I finally decided to take the plunge and make the life change. So far I have (as you can tell from the before (left side)after (right side) pictures)  I have lost over 100 pounds. This has been a really good experience for me, and has affected me in more ways than one. I think I am far more compassionate towards overweight people now, as I have “been there, done that”. I was never really cold or indifferent to them per se, but I think I have more compassion for them, more empathy.

It’s funny how these things happen; How you go into it with one goal in mind, yet you end up with far more than you expected. It makes you realize how it’s all truly a gift from God.

How time flies!

•04/12/2014 • Leave a Comment

One year and 4 months,  thats how long it’s been since last I wrote here. I guesd I kind of gave up on blogging, sucked into the mire of Facebook, discouraged by no traffic here. But then, was I really doing this for recognition?  Or was I doing it for myself?

A lot has happened since last I wrote. A lot of good things, maybe a few bad too, but theyve led to even better things! I dont know what Word Press has done, but right now I can only access it via my phone, and I abhor writing on my phone, so lm cutting this short . …., But I promise to be back soon.